Times of intense change, turmoil, and conflict, like the times we are currently living in, are hard on all of us. Whether you agree with the political changes or not, the amount of uncertainty is draining to us all.
Everyone I talk to is exhausted and on edge. The time change this coming weekend is only going to make that even more pronounced as we adjust our internal clocks and deal with missed sleep.
If there’s ever a time when we would all benefit from a little extra self-care, this is it! And yet, when we’re all feeling so anxious, it’s even harder than usual to make space for it. It feels selfish to pause to take care of ourselves when we’re faced with so much suffering and so many unknowns.
Despite how it feels, self-care matters more than ever when we’re stressed and anxious and on edge because that’s what re-fuels us to bring our best selves to the world around us. As Parker Palmer says:
“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”
Or as Eleanor Brown says:
“Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
Even though I firmly believe this is true, I still struggle with doing things for myself. I tend to put a lot of energy into first making sure that everyone else’s needs and wants are met first. I feel obligated to make sure any plans to do something for myself won’t inconvenience or bother anyone else.
This is true whether I’m thinking about setting appropriate boundaries, doing something I want to do, or even basic necessary self-care. I have a bad habit of waiting until a complete crash is imminent before I do what I need to do to take care of myself. (And even then, I feel horribly guilty about it—especially when other people complain or disapprove.)
I recently re-discovered an article by Gretchen Rubin called Think of Yourself in the Third Person. In the article, Rubin suggests approaching self-care by thinking of yourself in the third person. Rubin claims that thinking about what she needs from the outside helps her to be more realistic about her needs, set clearer boundaries, and better understand how to meet her needs. I really resonate with the examples she gives of this practice!
I found this approach immensely helpful when I tried it back when the article first came out, but I had lost sight of it over time. It makes a great deal of sense, though. If it’s easier for me to look out for other people than to look out for myself, then it makes sense to make myself one of those other people.
It removes all guilt about being selfish because I’m just looking out for the person called “Kenetha” rather than just me. When Kenetha’s needs conflict with something that someone else wants, then I can consider the two people’s needs on a more even basis rather than automatically discounting my own needs until it becomes an emergency.
It’s much easier to think of ways to meet Kenetha’s self-care needs just by making “her” needs outside of myself, and it re-enforces the reminder that taking care of myself enough to ensure I am bringing my best self to the world around me is a necessary good.
As I work on re-engaging this long dormant muscle of self-care, starting with making my self-care about “Kenetha” instead of about “me” just may be the training wheels I needed to get me moving in the right direction.
How about you? Have you ever tried this approach to self-care?
How do you take care of yourself to ensure that you can bring your best self to the world around you?
Oh my gosh! I need to try this!!
I’m so glad you found it helpful, too! I hope it works for you!!
I am definitely going to try this. Thank you so much for sharing.
I sometimes use the trick of practicing the same care for myself that I would recommend to a good friend.
Somehow my needs are so much clearer when seen through that lens!
You’re welcome. I like your variation on this, too! It takes seeing myself in the third person one step farther by also seeing that third person “self” as a good friend. I’m even more likely to take care of a good friend in loving and compassionate ways!
Yes, me too! :-)