shame – A Kintsugi Life

Beyond gender in grief

Kenetha Grief May 2, 2018May 30, 2026expectations, gender, grief, shame

white figures of man and woman on sign against background of trees

As a culture, we have powerful (but often subconscious) expectations about how gender affects our style of grieving. Moving beyond these gender-based expectations gives us the freedom to experience and express our grief in a style that is most effective for us without shame intruding.

The rules of grief

Kenetha Grief April 11, 2018May 30, 2026expectations, grief, loss, shame

elderly woman with her hands covering her face in black and white against black background

Every culture and social group has “rules” about what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to how we experience and express our grief. Shame arises when our experience does not match these “rules.” Identifying the rules is the first step to developing resilience to this shame and making space for our own experience.

Grief’s most insidious hijacker

Kenetha Grief April 4, 2018May 30, 2026grief, shame

the word "shame" filled with smaller descriptive words

Grief is what we experience in the wake of life’s losses and broken places, and that’s a hard enough thing to navigate on its own. Shame is a very common hijacker of the grief experience that makes the journey even more challenging to get through.

The non-linearity of growth and healing

Kenetha Healing March 21, 2018May 30, 2026expectations, growth, healing, metaphor, perspective, shame, stories

I imagine growth and healing to be steady, straight-line movements that always flow in a forward direction. When it shows up looking much more erratic in my life, I call myself a failure. Watching my crocuses bloom this week has given me a new, more realistic image of growth that offers much more grace and inspiration.

You don’t have to be Superman

Kenetha Kintsugi living March 14, 2018May 30, 2026help, relationships, shame, support

As a culture, we idolize those who don’t seem to need help from anyone else, but it’s part of the social nature of humans to need help from others. This is especially true when we are facing grief and loss. Rather than avoiding the need for help, we are better served by learning the skills of asking for help well.

There is nothing wrong with you

Kenetha Healing September 28, 2016May 30, 2026emotions, pain, shame

woman with chin on hand pensively staring out a window

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling pain or grief or anger. Pain is a normal part of life. Shaming yourself for experiencing it doesn’t help; it just interferes with healing.

Sitting with shame

Kenetha Kintsugi living December 16, 2013May 30, 2026awareness, brokenness, emotions, healing, kintsugi, kintsukuroi, shame

Shame inevitably makes me want to flee, but I’ve discovered that sitting with it just long enough to recognize the underlying need and then meeting that need allows it to dissolve.